


Never Would have thought.

by Amancer_Sunrise



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-13
Updated: 2014-07-09
Packaged: 2017-12-29 08:23:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1003168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amancer_Sunrise/pseuds/Amancer_Sunrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sweaty palms violated the temple as soon as it decided to lay it's hand's on the walls, and force itself through vulnerable cracks. Door's that were once wide open, now shut. Voice tightens and stays in the voice box and doesn't open to neither you or you.<br/>--<br/>Eren comes home, broken and full of tears, opens his mind to what happened to his bother, Levi. With knowing what happened, Levi goes on a hunt to find out, just who the fuck did it. He's getting help from the police, but he vows to get to man first, because he can't do anything if the police has him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And It Hurts My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone in the world~ I know I haven't been posting a lot so here you go! Have this piece of shit writing! I'm going to be doing a lot of stories where first of all Levi and Eren are six years apart and are brothers~. Now let's just hope my mind doesn't go in the gutters hahaha…
> 
> This has a grown ass man groping a young 12 year old before raping him on the bus. That means that this is R18+ everyone. Why doesn't anyone open their mouth? I dunno. But if you don't like this don't read. And the Shingeki No Kyojin characters aren't mine. And forgive me; the way I make them out to be in this story is uh… ooc. Sorry. Btw, the idea is based on an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit that I was watching. A man had raped a lady on the A train and no one did nothing, nada, even though she pleaded with this man to stop. So bam, idea.
> 
> Anyway, here, have this story everyone.

2:17 PM;

The sun was beaming down on the streets and on those who walked down it. Young kids from Kindergarten to 5th grade were leaving the prison otherwise known as school. Summer was approaching rather quickly, so the girls and boys wore either shorts or skirts to try to beat the heat. The kids either had to walk, take a bus or hitch a ride from either their parents or their friend’s parents. Many spoke about how they couldn’t wait to change and go to the park to get wet because the heat was just to much for them.

"Eren!" one of the kids yelled, the pitter patter of their feet becoming louder and louder to the young 12 year old boy who was addressed. Turning around, his green eyes went slightly wide, just out of happiness to see his best friend. "Armin!" he yells, "You’re taking the bus with me?! Shocker!" The other blond 12 year old boy shook his head sighing. "No…" he says, "My parents are picking me up from the bus stop though! So I decided to walk this way with you!" Eren smiles, and throws his arm around the shorter one and says, "Well let’s go! Y’know I can’t miss that bus!" They begin walking together, making all the noise and having a -pretty much- crazy conversation. When arriving at the bus stop, Eren leans on the pole. "So, how has your parents been doing Armin?" he asks’. Armin shrugs, his smile never leaving from his face. "They’ve been the same, I guess.

"And yours?"

"Eh, my mom has been annoying and my dad, busy as ever."

"What about Mikasa? How is she doing?"

Eren sighs lightly and thinks about it. “I don’t know… ever since her school ended early, and she went to summer camp, she hasn’t called to let us know how she’s been doing.” Armin sighs, missing the other one’s company. “Oh!” he says suddenly, making Eren give him a weird look, “How is your brother?” Eren’s face changes into annoyance, “I don’t even want to talk about him. He got me upset before I left to school today. But… he’s doing well; being his normal clean freak self.” Armin shrugs at Eren’s response, knowing full well that he won’t mean anything Eren will say about his brother in a few.

And of course…

"He got me so mad today! What a dick! Sometimes I wanna’ rip his off, just so I won’t have to see his stupid, stupid face ever again because he’s in the hospital. Okay, maybe I would have to run for my life when he gets out, but that’s not the point. The point is that he was so annoying this morning. I was asking…"

Armin blocked out Eren’s voice at this point just by laughing at whatever he had to say. Suddenly, the bus pulls up in front of him and a couple of more students who had gathered around to wait for the bus. “Well, I’ll tell you more later, Armin.” Eren says, waving bye to his friend. “Okay Eren”, Armin says, “Get home safe.” With that Eren says bye to his friend once more, and gets on the bus, claims he lost his metro and moves all the way to the back of the bus.

There’s a seat there, so he’s the one that takes it. He sits there quietly, his feet swaying side to side. There are people still getting on the bus, making the once cool bus quickly fill with hot air.  _"Argh",_ he started thinking to himself,  _"Can this just hurry along?"_ After what feels like years, the door closes and the bus begins moving. Finally. Eren begins to drift off into sleep because wow, he’s not going to lie; school did take a toll on him. After about 15 minutes of his eyes being closed, he feels something… it felt like it was sliding against his inner thigh. This of course caused him to jump, his eyes opening wide as he looked down. There’s a hand there, rubbing against his thighs. This made him give out an uncomfortable sigh, before his head turns and sees the person next to him looking ahead, but having a slight smirk on his face. Swatting the hand away, Eren glares slightly.

"Excuse me; can you please keep your hands to yourself? Please and thank you."

The man looks to him, his smirk changed into a smile. “Oh, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.” Eren just stares at him a little longer, before turning away. He closes his eyes yet again. Once again, 15 minutes in, he feels the hand again. But this time, right in between his legs, squeezing and groping. He lets out a yelp, but the other hand goes around Eren’s mouth, the palm of this man’s hand resting directly on his lips. Of course, his mouth opens and he begins to try and bite the man’s hand but it’s difficult and in no time, tears are falling from Eren’s round green eyes. A muffled  _"Stop"_ escaped from him, trying hard to get this man off of him. “You have such soft… beautiful… flawless skin…” the man whispers and Eren doesn’t even know what’s happening anymore. Shame begins creeping up on him; shame for not being able to scream  _"No!"_ or actually fight back. This wasn’t like him, and even he knows that. Hell, with the amount of times his family had to move because of him was amazing. Because of all the trouble he would cause in his town, he knows that this…. this wasn’t like him.

So then why isn’t he saying anything.

"Listen you little shit", the man says, taking the back of Eren’s pants and pulling them down, just enough, "My stop isn’t that far. I’m going to need you to shut up and serve up." He hears the man undo his own pants and suddenly, he feel pressure on his lower area. He wants to scream when he feels the tip of the man’s dick enter inside of him, but the man has a secure grip around his mouth and there’s already so much fucking noise in the bus. The man sighs out of sheer satisfaction, pushing his dick inside of the boy harshly and deep. This was wonderful, and the man knew at this moment that yes, this was a fine target indeed.

Eren, on the other hand, was terrified. Terrified that he suddenly lost his voice and because of this, this man was pounding into him.  _"This is your fault"_ , a voice in his head said, _"You had the power to say no, and now look at you, can’t even speak up. There are people around, why don’t you call for help? Bite down on his hand and scream. You deserve this because of your lack to speak up. Look at you…"_

Eren’s eyes overflowed at the man quickened his thrusts’, groaning into Eren’s neck. The young 12 year old closed his eyes tightly, and let his mind wonder into another place. Just letting it go where ever until this was over…

The man lets out a deep sigh as his thrust becomes hard and even though it’s just only at least 5 pounding thrusts’, Eren screams within the hand, feeling the juices go inside him like that. Pulling out, the man presses the yellow tape and quickly fixes himself up. Eren is sleepy now, but oh god, he’s terrified. Before his mind goes quickly blank, he hears the man say,  _"You’re a keeper, Eren Jaeger."_

* * *

3:30 PM;

Eren jolts up to the bus driver shaking him.

"Kid!" the women says, "This is the last stop." Eren stares, his eyes still filled with fear and the bus driver notices this 100% and the next words she says, Eren could hear full concern in her voice. "Hey… hey are you okay?" He doesn’t answer instead; he finally screams and pushes the lady away, his face angry and red, filled with humiliation and embarrassment. His body gets up and he begins running. His pants are lose around his hips, reminding him what happened on that bus. His body burning with shame as he continues running and even though he’s legs are begging to stop, he doesn’t until he arrives home. He stares at the door before slamming the door open; his eyes wide and distressed, as he tries to control his labored breathing.

* * *

4:30 PM

The 18 year old doesn’t flinch when he heard the door slam open. His head turns, facing the young child at the door. He takes a quick glimpse at his watch.

"Its 4:30 brat. Where the hell were you?"

Eren doesn’t answer, but instead, he walks up to the other male; to his brother. “Did you get into a fight with that Jean kid in school today?” the other asks’. The boy still doesn’t say anything. An eyebrow is raised.

"Eren, wh—"

Suddenly, Eren lets out a choked sob. “L-levi…” he says looking up at him, and suddenly, concern fills Levi up to the brim. “Eren what happened?” he asks’. Eren begins shaking, his eyes closing tightly. The next words that came out of Eren’s mouth made Levi go whiter then he already was.

"I couldn’t say no."

He grabs his baby brother and holds him tightly, wanting to curse when he felt Eren flinch violently under him. Levi continues to hold the crying boy, thinking to himself _, “Who did it and what did they do to you…?”_ He doesn’t say a word, while Eren just screams, “I couldn’t say no! Even as he…!” Levi gritted his teeth.

"It’s my fault…"

Levi pulled away from the hug, “Eren, no. It’s not your fault.” Eren’s face changes and in a second he’s swigging his little fist at Levi, screaming once again, “Yes it was my fault! I had the power to say no! But look how that turned out! I could have said no! Pushed him away! Bite the hell out of his hand! I could have screamed for someone to help me! There was so much people around! Why couldn’t I scream?  _Huh?! I deserved it for not being able to say anything to anyone._ _ **It’s my fault. I deserved it!”**_  His fist stopped flying as he looked down and grabs his brother holding him tightly. “I-I’m sorry…” he sobs out. Levi is stuck on what to say, words gluing themselves to the inside of his throat. So, instead he hold’s Eren tightly once again, his face pale as the words that were spoken and shouted out sunk in; the information absorbed in his brain. When he noticed that Eren’s cries stopped, he looks down and sees the young child sleeping in his arms.

Eren was raped.

…..he was  _raped._

And Eren thinks it was it fault…  _that he deserved it…_

 _'Dear god no child… no man nor women… no one deserves to be raped…',_ Levi thinks to himself as he takes a deep and shaky breath.

Gritting his teeth, he looks down at Eren again. “I… swear to god…”, he says, “Someone is going to pay for this…”

Levi is going to drop off and pick the child up, every single damn day if he has to. And if he notices anything odd to him, of dear  _God…._ _ **  
**_

_….someone will lose their damn life for touching Eren…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The summary is so beautifully written but argh the actual fic itself looks like garbage. o n o I need to stop watching Law And Order Special Victim's Unit hahaha but hey. So! I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter~ at first I wasn't planning on continuing this but hey, I changed my mind so.... you'll get the second chapter tomorrow and the third...? I dunno xD


	2. The Best Is Yet To Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sweaty palms violated the temple as soon as it decided to lay it's hand's on the walls, and force itself through vulnerable cracks. Door's that were once wide open, now shut. Voice tightens and stays in the voice box and doesn't open to neither you or you.  
> \--  
> Eren comes home, broken and full of tears, opens his mind to what happened to his bother, Levi. With knowing what happened, Levi goes on a hunt to find out, just who the fuck did it. He's getting help from the police, but he vows to get to man first, because he can't do anything if the police has him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, thanks for everyone who gave me Kudo's and the comment that was left had me laughing! So, just for you guys, here you go! The second chapter for Never Would Have Thought! I hope you guys enjoy it haha~ ^^

_3:30 a.m_

His body curls, tears stinging the corners of his eyes, hands gluing themselves on his sides. Chestnut hair clings to his forehead as sweat rapidly falls, knees attacking his chest as the young 12 year old whimpers lightly. Blankets twist and turn after a while, body sitting up and screeching, his voice echo's through the halls. Tears fall out of the beautiful color of turquoise, while his voice continues to be heard throughout the small house. Somewhere within the small house, eyes snap open, steel blue-hues wide with concern and worry, nearly falling out the bed as he rushes towards the door. His foot-steps making a loud noise through the hallways and when he stumbles into the room, the younger child is wailing and fighting the mother's grip, looking towards her oldest with pleading eyes. The 18 year old quickly goes over, and almost snatches the boy out her arms and holds him against his chest quickly, tightly and protectively.

_"I'm here."_

_"He's not."_

_"Please, come back."_

_"Please, come back to me."_

Those statements are repeated over and over again, whispered into the boy's ear and after the 30th time {or so he believes} the 12 year old's sobs begin to die down, but little hiccup's replace them. The 18 year old looks at the birth mother with his own pleading look, to  _please_ let him stay with the child who is now shaking, his hands reaching and gripping onto the older one desperately. Running a hand through her own chestnut hair, she sighs and says yes. But this is the last time. The last time the 18 year old is allowed to. The last time the 12 year old stays in the house. Ready to speak against her words, he opens his mouth but she shuts him up with that the boy may need to go to the doctor's and find out what's been bringing her second born to tears with night-terrors'. The oldest looks away and the mother takes notice but she says nothing about it. With that, she says, " _Goodnight"_ to both her boys and gets up and leaves the room. The oldest looks down at the boy in his arms. As gently as he can he lays down with him in his arms, but the boy whimpers lightly, thinking the other will leave him. The 18 year old hears the 12 year old whimper, but soothes his fears by reassuring him that he's here by running his hand through the boy's chestnut hair. He take's a deep breath, song popping in his head; the only one he's pretty sure will put the boy to deep sleep once more...

_An cuimhin leat an grá_  
 _Crá croí an ghrá_  
 _Níl anois ach ceol na h-oíche_  
 _Táim sioraí i ngrá_  
 _Leannáin le smál_  
 _Leannáin le smál_  
 _Lig leis agus beidh leat_ _  
__Lig leis agus beidh grá_

_{_ _Do you remember love_  
 _Love from a tormented heart_  
 _Not fleeting, as with music at night_  
 _But an eternal love_  
 _Now tainted_  
 _Now tainted_  
 _Go now and reclaim it_ _  
__Go now and love_ _}_

_….his voice sounds like hushed angel, yet broken, but still a sense of beauty..._

The boy in his arms is still shaking, his fears not put to rest.

_His voice continues..._

_Cuimhne leat an t-am_  
 _Nuair a bhí tú sásta_  
 _An cuimhne leat an t-am_ _  
__Nuair a bhí tú ag gáire_

_{_ _Recall the times_  
 _when you were happy._  
 _Recall the times_ _  
__when you laughed._ _}_

_Tá an saol iontach_  
 _Má chreideann tú ann_  
 _Tug aghaidi ar an saol is_ _  
__sonas sioraí inár measc_

_{_ _Life is wonderful_  
 _Do you have faith in it?_  
 _Turn your face to life,_ _  
__To eternal joy._ _}_

_Céard a tharla do na laethanta sin_  
 _Céard a tharla do na h-oícheanta sin_  
 _An cuimhin leat an t-am_ _  
__Nuair a bhí tú faoi bhrón_

_{_ _What happened to those days?_  
 _What happened to those nights?_  
 _Do you remember_ _  
__How you turned to grief? }_

_An cuimhin leat an t-am_   
_Go sioraí sileadh na ndeor_   
_an ormsa nó orainne a bhí an locht_

_{ Do you remember_  
 _How you turned to sorrow?_  
 _Is the blame mine or ours?_ }

_Ag mothú cailte s'ar fán_   
_Cén fáth an t-achrann is sileadh na ndeor_   
_Tá áilleacht sa saol Má chuardaíonn tú e_   
_Tá gliondar sa saol_   
_Creideann sé_

_{ Our feelings grew faint_  
 _What caused our grief and fighting?_  
 _Can there be beauty in life?_  
 _If you seek it out._  
 _Can there be happiness in life?_  
 _Let's seek it._ }

When finished with the singing, his voice goes silent. The only sound that could be heard within the room now was the soft and calm breathing of his 12 year old brother, who is in a deep slumber. He sighs lightly to himself, his fingers gently pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes tightly. Investigation's had grown cold if he remembers correctly, the only thing the could go on is that  _they knew the man._ The man who had violated and stole the boy's innocence knew them personally. But, how,  _just how the fuck,_ could they find him if the sleeping boy didn't speak up when asked? Holding the boy slightly tighter from just instinct, he finally closes his eyes, a lone tear escaping his gray-hues...

__{ How you turned to sorrow?_  
Is the blame mine..? }_

* * *

Next morning is just like every other. He wakes up, looking down at his empty arms. The child had woken up and manged to move out his arms without waking him up again. He sits up, rubbing sleep out his eyes and yawning slightly. He wishes he could lay back down and go to sleep, but checking the time, he already knows it's just a matter of minutes before his mother wakes him and asks' him to help her clean around the house. So instead, he finally actually gets out of bed. After brushing his teeth, he goes down stairs, yawning still as he makes all attempts to keep his hair at least looking neat. But he hears a voice downstairs, one belonging to his mother, but the other voice he's never heard before, so he slowly walks down, peaking his head in.

_"I don't know what to do. He's completely shut down on everyone. Well... everyone but my oldest, Levi. It's like... I hold him and he freaks out completely. But... when Levi hold's him, it's like... I don't know..."_

Said man, Levi, stares at his mother, before his head turns to the other man in front of his mother, waiting for a response.

_"Mrs. Jaeger-"_

_"Carla."_

_"Forgive me. Carla, you have to understand, Eren hasn't told anyone what happened to him_ except  _for his brother. He trust Levi with his entire being. You can't blame him-"_

_"I know! Don't get me wrong, I understand! But why only Levi? Eren knows he could trust me, right?"_

_"Perhaps. But he trust's his brother more seeing at the fact he was able to tell Levi what happened."_

_"..."_

Levi steps out, makes himself noticed. He leans on the wall, his arms crossing.

_"Who the fuck is this?",_ he asks', watching his mother jump at his choice of words. Carla stands, but the man beats her to the punch.  _"I'm sorry... but I was called upon from Eren's school. I'm his social worker. Kitts Verman is my name."_ Levi stares at him, eyes none to gentle.

_"Bullshit. You're not his Social Worker, Actually, I'm pretty sure his Social Worker's name was Hannes."_

_"I'm sorry, Hannes quit, making me Eren's new Social Worker."_

_"Okay then. Then why are you here? I know you were called upon when Eren had missed school for a while. I thought that the case was closed because Eren wouldn't talk."_

_"...your mother called us-"_

_"And? I fucking see that."_

Levi turns his head to his mother, wanting her to choose the next choice of words.  _"...I called him...",_ she said,  _"Because I think Eren needs mental help. He needs to be admitted in a hospital, Levi. He's more... mentally unstab-"_

_"No."_

Straight forward.

_"Eren's not going anywhere."_

The man, Kitts, chuckles a little nervously.  _"You think you can handle a 12 year old child who has night-terrors? Who seems, as what I've been hearing from Carla, to be more mentally unstable each day?"_

_"Yes."_

Once again, straight forward.

With that being said, Levi goes to turn and walk away, perhaps watch a little T.V. The front door opens and he could hear the voice of his father, Grisha, talking to Eren about not dropping the eggs. Both of them walk in the kitchen and upon seeing Eren, Levi relaxes, even if slightly. He quickly says,  _"Let me get that for you.",_ before grabbing the eggs away from the quite boy. The man looks at Eren and smiles at him.

_"You're Eren? Nice to meet you."_

Eren looks up at the man and his body freezes, eyes widening.

_"Eren don't be rude, say hi.",_ Carla says, but Eren's breathing speed up, backing up slightly, his eyes tearing slightly. Levi takes notice, and dear  _God_ , the amount of speed in his next move was remarkable. Levi may be small but man does he pack a punch.

He quickly lunges forward, his elbow colliding with the man's neck  **hard.** The man is stunned, shock-waves shooting down his body as his eyes roll up, even if for two seconds.

But two seconds are a fucking long time.

Levi ends up kicking the man hard in his shin, anger written on his face. The man reaches down, yelping in pain from the blow to the shin. Suddenly, his face is colliding with Levi's knee.

With a bleeding nose and busted lip from the last blow, Kitt falls.

_"Levi! What the hell?!",_ Carla screams, reaching down and helping the man up, Levi is gonna say something, but Eren grabs his hand. Levi looks down, and almost wants to cry.

Keyword;  _almost._

The look on Eren's face. Levi knows that he shut down once more. To his parents, Levi just did this... to do it. Had they not notice Eren ready to catch an fucking anxiety attack?!

_"Argh... I could see why... Eren is the way he is..."_ , Kitt says, standing, blocking out the constant apologize coming from Carla's mouth. He mumbles something to her before forcing a smile while looking at Levi.

_"All is forgiven though... just... **don't do it again.** "_

Who the fuck was this man to be telling him what to do? He ain't shit.

_"You pissed me off."  
_

Smooth Levi.

With his last words being said, he grabs Eren's hand, and walks upstairs, wanting to ask Eren about his anxiety attack- well...  _almost_ anxiety attack. But he knows Eren will tell him when the time is right.

He takes a look at Eren when he's getting him out his clothes. The look on his face... it killed Levi...

_{ How you turned to grief? }_

_"There was no need..."_ , Eren finally says,  _"To get like that. It simply was a mistake. I mistook him for my attacker."_  

_{ How you turned to sorrow? }_

Levi murmurs and apology, but they both know that he doesn't mean what he says. When Levi changes Eren into comfortable clothing, Levi says,  _"You're sure?"_ He's talking about the comment Eren made earlier and the 12 year old nods.  _"I'm sure."_

_{ Recall the times  
when you were happy. }_

Levi sighs and stands.  _"Do you wanna eat?",_ he asks', frowning when the boy said no.  _"Play a game?"_ Once again, he gets the same answer.  _"I wanna just sleep."_

_{ Recall the times  
when you laughed. }_

Levi closes the door to Eren's room when he sleeps. He sighs.

Every day was like a routine and he wishes something could just break it. Y'know, other then the Social Worker. Walking into his own room, he turns on the TV, flicking through channels. Suddenly, his cellphone rings and he lazy turns and answers it.

_"Hello?"_

_"Come down to the station. We may have found a new lead."_

_"Erwin?"_

_"Yes. Get down here now."_

With that, he hangs up, gets up and dresses. He doesn't tell his mother where he's going, he just leaves. He's thinking to himself and a little worried about leaving Eren by himself because...

_{_   _Is the blame mine? }_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys don't understand how much I love this song! It's an Irish song called The Best Is Yet To Come. I'm pretty sure you guys know where the song is from~ and if you don't, it's from MGS1{&4} and it's such a lovely song it gives me feels every time I listen to it. And for some strange reason I couldn't help but picture Levi knowing this song and singing it to Eren. 
> 
> Now before I get questions, Carla knows something happened to Eren, but Eren won't speak up and neither will Levi. So she doesn't know exactly what happened to Eren. Levi won't tell her because Eren begged him not to and also he doesn't want her to blame herself the way Levi already does for not being able to protect Eren, the way Eren blames himself. Levi doesn't want her to feel that pain.
> 
> So, hopefully {if I'm feeling nice enough}, I'll give you guys the third chapter for Never Would Have Thought later today~ perhaps tonight~?


	3. Crash Crash Burn.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please Eren...
> 
> Please Eren find it again...
> 
> Find that will to live and...
> 
> ...and come back...
> 
> I'm here... 
> 
> ...he's not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for updating this so late please forgive me argh. 
> 
> But please don't kill me for how it turns out dear God.
> 
> Here you guys go.

 He's pretty sure he's gone.

Sitting up in the bed he was tucked in 30 minutes ago, he stares. Eyes, once full of life, dulled and robbed. Arms want to hug around the boy while hands want a mind of it's own and rub those arms, in hope some sort of comfort could be found in them. Chestnut hair is messy, hair strands sticking out of place, while the artificial darkness made his skin a shade darker. His round eyes seeming to show signs of sleepless, while the dark bags under his eyes complement this statement. His body is comfortable in the clothes he's wearing, but something about it is off to him. He looks down at his body, his hands reaching and touching the fabric of it.

_It's to thin..._

So he takes the fabric off from his body, shaking slightly doing so. He was scared.

_...it could be watching._

Grabbing the thick blanket, he covers up. Thoughts fly into his head of what to do. His mother was just down stairs speaking to a man that he's pretty sure wants to take him away. ' _But then take me where?'_ he thought to himself, but didn't dwell too long on that thought. Another thought flies into his head, how quickly Levi reacted to his own heavy breathing, reacted to his almost violent shaking and horrible stuttering. How quickly he reacted to his fear. He had the man down within a matter of seconds, and he was to slow to stop him. It wasn't the man, but it sure as hell looked like him. Or perhaps it was him and he just chooses to block out that memory to not hurt himself further? Perhaps it is him and he's just scared? He's never seen the man before in his life, that he's sure. Or at least he... _thinks_ he's sure. He was just about to call it a day and lay right back down for sleep to consume his mind and body, and ignore his thoughts until he heard light knocking at the door. He thinks it's Levi for a split second, until he hears his mother gently call out for him to open the door. Muttering, _It's open_ he lay's down, blanket covering him completely from head to toe, back facing his mother when she walked in.

He counted her foot-steps.

_1..._

_2..._

_3..._

_4..._

_5..._

5 foot-steps, she's by his dresser. He's suddenly on high alert though, when he counts and extra couple of foot-steps. _“Eren?”_ , she calls out to him gently, not wanting the fragile boy to panic. That's what he seems to do now-a-days and she doesn't want to trigger him in any type of way. _“Eren, baby, someone wants to talk to you.”_ Eren doesn't make an attempt to talk, instead, he just nods under the covers. She could barely make it out, but she does see the nod and sighs lightly. She begins to whisper things to whoever was next to her, before the person states that they must speak to Eren alone. She has to be downstairs.

His heart begins to start beating faster, faster.

Hearing his mother agree, she quickly says to the boy under the covers, _“I'll be back, okay?”_ before leaving the boy in hands she shouldn't trust so easily. She leaves, turning the lights on and closing the door. He hears a chair being pulled up, dragging slowly until it's put in place. The sound was way to close to his bed and he's trying to show no reaction to it.

_“...Eren Jaeger...”_

A name whispered through lips, breathless and Eren could remember that voice from anywhere. His eyes widen, fear drilling itself into his heart to make the beating, over-worked muscle it's new home. _“Come out of there Eren.”_ , the man says, trying to hold back a shit-eating-grin. The boy sobs ever so lightly, but still doesn't move. His mother is downstairs, Levi isn't here, his father is most likely downstairs with his mother. Levi isn't here. He's so scared to move, his mother won't hear him most likely, these walls are thick. Levi isn't here. The man is right there and _Levi isn't here._ Suddenly, before he could push more into his safe zone, the blankets are forced off of him, and Eren panics more. Anxiety becoming his best friend at this moment, as was fear. As was the memories he forced so hard to push out. Hands grab him and force him on his back, pinning him down by his shoulders. Looking at him with a smirk, he stares at the premature boy, licking his lips.

_“All prepared for me? How sweet. Oh man, you're so beautiful... I did tell you that you_ were _a keeper, Eren, did I not? Or do you not remember that? Did you really think I was going to give up something so beautiful? So shattered? Broken?”_

Eren stares, his eyes wide, fear pouring a deadly amount in them. _“Scared?”_ , the man says, _“Don't be scared Eren. I just want to show you how it feels not to be rushed, unlike in the bus.”_

Eren finally finds his voice, even if it's broken and shattered indeed, he begins struggling, eyes suddenly being poured a deadly amount of... evil. His glare suddenly comes on strong the way it did that day, when a hand first started to taint him and leaving behind hazardous radioactive stains. Before hands decided to spread a plague throughout his entire body that day.

What he was basically saying,

_“Fuck you.”_

The man whistled when he saw that look, his smirk becoming a shit-eating-grin as he said, _“Yes, show me that fire inside of you, I want to dim it out until you except me every time, no defying. Nothing.”_

Eren begins to struggle more within the man's grasp, ready to force his voice out his throat and **scream**. The man must have notice because suddenly, Eren's in the same trap that he was so long ago {though in all honesty, it feels like yesterday}. But the fire inside Eren doesn't burn out, glare still hard in his eyes, tears just brimming them. The man lets out a dark chuckle, swinging a leg around the boy, to be seated on top of him, weight alone holding Eren in place.

_“Now... let's start, shall we?”_  

* * *

Levi walks into the house, an annoyed look leaving a bitter feeling on his face. Sighing out, he walks, feet leading him to the kitchen to get a bite to eat. The first thing he sees, though, is a note on the counter.

_Levi,_

_I'm picking something up from your Grandmother's house, it's for Eren. You already know how far it is, so I won't be home any time soon. Eren should be upstairs in his room, he hasn't moved since you left.I'll see you later, okay hun? Be safe, and please feed my other child? Love you._

_-Love Mom._  

Levi sighs, ignoring his stomach for a little while, instead, walking up the stairs to check on the child. _“Eren?”_ , he calls out when he stands in front of the boy's door. He knocks gently, waiting for the boy to answer him.

Nothing.

Levi's heart drops a little. With his hands shaking ever so slightly, he reaches for the door knob, gripping it firmly before opening the door. He peaks his head in, and lets out a breath of air he didn't know he was holding. Eren wasn't in his room, maybe bathroom? Just how long ago though? Walking to the bed, his hand presses on it. It's slightly warm, as if Eren just got out of bed. Walking out, he goes and goes to check if the boy is there. With one hand pressed on the door while the other on the knob, he gives it a slow turn, eyes narrowing slightly when he feels it suddenly come to a stop.

Locked.

He knocks gently.

* * *

_“Eren? Eren, I know you're there, open up.”_  

_Levi's home._

Eren's beating heart is slowing down, his mind completely blank as he could barely register anything anymore.

_“Eren?”_

_Levi's home._

_"Eren, please answer me."_

He can't feel his legs, different kinds of pills scattered on the floor. His body, first covered in shameful marks seemed to have been burned badly with the lighter that lays with the multicolor pills.

_Levi's home..._

_...I'm sorry..._

_“Eren?!”_

Eren's entire life blanks out, his body going still.

_Levi's home... please don't find me."_

* * *

_“Levi...”, Eren says lowly, ear pressing against Levi's chest, right above where his heart was, feeling at ease with the sound of the thumping sounds he could hear. The said male looks down at the boy in his arms, an eyebrow raised, new bandages stained with blood over the arms that belonged to his little brother._

_“What Eren?”_

_“...what if I... did something really... stupid...”_

_Levi was slightly confused, and before he could ask Eren to extend on that thought Eren continued, his hands trailing down the river of his covered arm._

_“What if... what if I...”_

_Levi grabs Eren's hand as if to stop, who looks up._

_Never before as Eren seen Levi cry._

* * *

Levi knows the signs. 

Realizing just _what_ Eren may be doing scares him. The thought that scares him more than anything is that Eren _already may have gone through with it._ With this in his mind, he backs up quickly, kicking the door hard. 

_**BAM!** _

_**BAM!** _

_**BAM!** _

_**BAM!** _

Finally, the door gives in, swinging wide open and Levi's heart fucking drops. He quickly acts, grabbing the boy who lay still. His ear leans and quickly checks for a heartbeat, hoping to hell that there was one.

_…thump..._

_...thump..._

_...thump..._

Levi counts down the seconds in his head. They're too far from each other, and Levi scoops Eren in his arms, quickly.

_Hospital..._

_Hospital..._

_Hospital first, mom later._

He could see the scars, the burn marks and just about everything else.

* * *

_“...I wouldn't know what to do...”, Levi says, tears falling from his eyes as he tried not to have a total break down. Eren frowns, looking down._  

_“I'm sorry.”_

_“You can't be sorry for how you feel Eren.”, Levi says, holding Eren tighter than ever, words from what Erwin told him when he himself attempted to die. Finding the right words, he starts,“I just don't want you to think that it's the only salvation that you'll ever need. I'm not going to give you a speech about how you need to think about others and live for others. Don't live for others, Eren, please for the love of God, please just live. Just live and live for yourself. I'm always here for you to talk if you ever need to, and these are things you know.”_

_Did Levi even make sense?_

_To Eren, he must have because he could feel the nod coming from the boy._

* * *

Running down many blocks, running down many turns. The hospital is _right there,_ but why does it seem like it's so _fucking far._  

It's cold.

So cold.

And Levi doesn't even know if it's the body in his arms or if it's just _really that fucking cold outside._

* * *

_“Levi...”, Eren calls out once more, letting Levi continue to hold him tightly._  

_“Hm...?”_

_“Can you... can you sing me the song you've always sang to me as a baby...?"_  

_Eren's voice breaks at the request, and Levi knows why. The song holds a time of innocence, where Eren didn't have to feel afraid, where Levi didn't feel the need to want to kill anyone who ever touched Eren in the first place._

_Levi takes a deep breath._

_“Please...?”_

_“...okay."_

* * *

Levi finally reaches the hospital, rushing right into the emergency room, almost screaming as soon as he walks in. Of course, Nurses and Doctors look up to see what exactly is happening and as soon as they see the child in Levi's arms, the rush quickly, Doctors telling others they need a bed. Levi gives an explanation that his baby brother over dosed. 

The Doctors almost snatched the boy out of his arms.

_Please Eren..._

_Please Eren find it again..._

_Find that will to live and..._

_...and come back..._

_I'm here..._

_...he's not._

Levi lets out a choked sob.

_...please come back..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DEAR GOD.
> 
> I am trash, just peel away the flesh to find literal trash, I'm so so sorry argh.
> 
> And just... who was the man? Carla didn't say it was Kitts, so it couldn't be him. But if it wasn't him, who was it? Or was it him? What's even happening?


	4. Words That Kill.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In My Heart I Just Know That There's No Way To Light Up The Dark...
> 
> ...In His Eyes."
> 
> Levi begins thinking back on the entire day, and begins to wonder and ask himself if there was anyway he could have stopped it. It sinks in to him that he could have stopped it had he not left. Eren trusted his very soul to Levi, and he ended up vanishing when Eren needed him most yet again. 
> 
> Now, he doesn't know if this is it.
> 
> If it was Eren's turn to vanish...
> 
> ...permanently.

_It had been quite._

_Laying in his bed, steel-blue eyes stare lifeless at the ceiling. His hands intertwined with each other, nails digging into the pail flesh there was sure to leave a mark. But at this moment, he couldn't care less. At this moment, he hears his mother -at least he could still hear her from that day- sobbing into her own hands. Wondering where she failed. Wondering what went wrong._

_Wondering..._

_Usually his arms would be wrapped around the boy with the t urquoise eyes tightly, trying to calm him from another nightmare. Saving the boy from the illusion of hands wondering and violating the tan skin. He would usually endure the feeling of small hits from the 12 year old boy, getting used to trying to snap him out of it. But not tonight. Tonight was surrounded with a thick silence, and it was suffocating. It was squeezing his life supply out of him. He finally sits up, trying not to let the thoughts consume him once again, consume him with guilt._

_Why?_

_Why had it been him? Why had it been someone he holds dear? Why didn't he get there quicker? Sooner? Faster? He had the boy in his arms running as fast as he could, and yet it still wasn't enough. He watched the only person he swore to protect, swore to never let anything happen to him ever again, die in his arms as he continued running. He knew it was a loss cost. He had felt the body becoming more limp as minutes passed, and Doctors weren't quick enough either. They rushed and snatched the boy out his arms, yes, but..._

_In the end, everything had ended. The Goddess already had sealed his fate, his name deeply in graved in her list to hand over to Death to take. And when it had been that time, Doctor's had shook him out his shock, only to place another one on him._

_"I'm sorry."_

_And the rest of the world he blocks. It took those two words to shatter his entire will._

_His entire being._

_The boy he loved..._

_His baby brother..._

_It sinks in his head and suddenly...._

_**No. No. No...not his baby brother... not...** _

_They must have gotten confused with another child, another person's child who so happens to share the same looks at him. Share the same eyes, same skin color, same hair style and color. No. He refused to believe it. He refused to believe it had been..._

_And he finally snaps._

_With tears streaming down his face, he could barely process "Grief Therapist" correctly before he began chuckling. The news of what happened to his baby brother repeats in his head, the day he first started the talk to ending it all, the days his nightmares resurfaced time and time again. The many times he sang his lullaby to calm the shaken boy..._

_And now this._

_His body violently shakes as he tries. He tries not to snap, but deep inside him, he knows that it's already too late. He was long gone, and he knows this. He knows that he's gone, but he refuses to believe the Doctor's words._

_They didn't try._

_And the Doctor's last sorry was enough to let his anger serge through his veins._

_And his chuckling and laughter stop._

_And it finally processes._

_..._

_...he's gone._

_And the older one ****screamed.** ** _

* * *

Levi shot up, his body covered in cold sweat, his breathing extremely labored as his voice echoed through the small hospital room. His eyes were wide as a hand clutches his tightly, and he quickly looks at who it could be.

Turquoise looks at him, slight panic hidden in them.

_-...a nightmare...-_

_"Are you okay?"_

And he could have sworn that he needed glasses at that moment because his entire world had gotten blurry before his arms shoot out and wrap his arms tightly around the younger one. His eyes are leaking and he's pretty sure that his mother would have made a comment, if she had been there, on how he looks like his baby brother a lot more.

_-A nightmare in which I lost you-_

And the older one begins whispering stuff before pulling away, small hands wiping his eyes. The other looks down.

_"Are you mad, Levi...?"_

And Levi just stares at him before shaking his head. _"No Eren... I'm not mad at you..."_

Silence.

The silence had devoured all the voiceless questions that Levi wanted to force out of him, and the younger one could see this. Instead the silence rings through their ears loudly, and it murdered Levi.

_"What happened?"_ , Levi asks', but is terrified of the answer, even more so when he could see the other visibly shut down. _"Eren what happened? Did something happen to you?"_ , he asks' once again, terrified.

And for Eren, memories fly into his head, his body tensing as he remembers that laugh. Those unwanted touches, his own voice echoing no, but reaching no one. He remembers the burning sensation, the feeling of pills dragging down his throat. He remembers the way the man told him it was his fault. Told him he was a fine target.

Told him that...

_"I... deserved... it..."_

And for Levi, the rest of the world he blocks. It took those three words to shatter his entire will once again. His entire being.

He sat there, eyes wide as he repeats those words over and over in his head. Remembering the first time those words ever came out of his mouth. Remembering just why those words came out of his mouth. Levi's heart had nearly shattered, or perhaps it did.

Eren's voice brings him back to reality, and he wants to say everything on his mind. But his mouth had gone dry.

_"I deserved it Levi... he came back and... he...",_ Eren's voice had already begun to shake, his eyes filling with tears, his body visibly becoming tense, but suddenly...

Levi could feel it, this feeling and he wants to let it out, but his mouth turns into a dessert, but with Eren explaining, and Eren's constant use of how he deserved it...

...no...

_...no..!_

“ _NO!”,_ he finally yells out, shaking his head as he grabs onto Eren's shoulders, and the younger one jumps, staring. Levi could finally speak, and he uses this time he could finally do so without shock to continue out, _“Please, dear God, please stop telling yourself that Eren. No child, no man, no women, **no one deserves to be raped.** It doesn't matter where you are, it doesn't matter who you are, no one deserves that! Even if you couldn't tell him 'no' or even if you could, and they don't stop, doesn't mean you deserve it! And you said no! You said no, Eren, and you tried to stop him. You're a victim here, Eren! Rape is never the victim's fault! **No matter who told you what Eren, let me repeat it, rape is never the victims fault!!”**_ Levi had tears streaming down his face as he yelled these words to Eren, hoping the boy could get it drilled into his head, into his heart and soul that this was never his fault. His grip on his shoulders loosened slightly, looking down, his voice cracking as he says, _“And you..._

_"... and you are a victim Eren..."_

Levi looks back up, and could see the boy biting his bottom lip, before letting out a violent sob of his own. He doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Eren, who is in absolute hysteria, sobbing and crying as Levi holds him tightly, calming his own breathing from screaming and yelling, letting Eren have his moment. And he does, he has his moment for at least 30 minutes, before they turn into soft sobs, die down to small hiccups and then the heavy tear filled eyelids drag him in sleep.

And it's then Levi finally lays him down, leaning down to kiss his forehead.

_"I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I let this happen to you...", he whispers, moving the dark brown hair away from Eren's face, “...it's like, every time I try and protect you, I fail... and I'm sorry Eren... I'm sorry... please forgive me...”_

He leans back, putting his head in his hands as he holds back his own sobs.

_“Please... forgive me... I love you.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throw me in a pile of trash I could finally get back to my writing again! (GOD BLESS)
> 
> So, since I've been gone for... months (HOLY HOT DAYM, NO UPDATE SINCE OCTOBER?!) I would like to explain why I have been gone for 1,000 years.
> 
> You see, I had been doing awful in school paying attention to everything but school and for the past 2 months, I had been busting my ass trying to Graduate and well, all of it paid off! Because I mother fucking Graduated~
> 
> Seeing I don't start College until January of 2015, I get to pay all my attention to my writing!!!
> 
> Anyway! Rushed chapter is rushed and I personally think this wasn't my best ARGH (trash chapter is trash) BET YOU'RE ALL CALLING ME A CLICHE MOTHER FUCKER BECAUSE OF THE DEATH... NIGHTMARE... THING...
> 
> I'm sorry don't brick me.
> 
> also edited chapter yay (how about update it with a new chapter you fucking nerd?) shush


End file.
